Starting Over
by Gem6
Summary: This is the sequel to 'Turn Back Time'Claire's second chance with John and how she blows it.Warning some strong language in the first chapter. Please R & R! Now Complete
1. Default Chapter

Author Note: Warning strong language contained in this chapter.

This is the sequel to Turn Back Time, it's dedicated to Lightning Wolf and Jay my best online friend, enjoy!

Later that afternoon John was up and dressed, we had both eaten and I was washing up the dishes.

John came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"John!" I said exasperatedly "That's the fourth time you've done that in the last five minutes"

"I know but I love you and I don't..." John trailed off

"Want to lose me" I finished for him, I felt John nod his head

"Oh sweetheart" I said taking off my gloves and turning to face John "You won't lose me again as long as there are no secrets between us"

"There's something I need to tell you" John said leading me to the sofa "I don't want anything to jeopardize what we have together"

"Go on" I said cautiously

"I have a double life as well... I'm MIT"

"I don't bloody believe you, you go apeshit at me for being CIB and you're fucking MIT" I got up angrily "I'm going out" I snapped before slamming the door behind me.

Outside I lost all rational thought and control, I sank to the floor and cried.

Back inside the room, John had made his way over to the door to go after Claire but now he could hear her crying which made him incredibly sad.

Tears escaped from his eyes as he cried for the first time in 16 years.

Hearing Eilleen's voice in the corridor he looked up:

"Claire? Oh my god, are you alright?"

John didn't hear Claire's reply so he assumed she had shaken her head

"What's happened?" Eilleen asked putting her arms around Claire

"The bastards M.I fucking T, why he didn't tell me earlier" I sobbed

"There there, it'll be alright, don't worry you'll work it out" Eilleen soothed

"I don't think we will, I hate him, I wish I'd never met him" I exploded

When John heard Claire say she hated him he made a conscious decision, grabbing a piece of paper he wrote a short note:

'I know what you really think now and to think I loved you.

Forget you ever met me'

Making a heart wrenching decision, he decided to leave, tears streaming down his face as he jumped from the front window.

About an hour later I returned to find the note on the table,

"Oh my god" I breathed as I noticed the window open, I rushed over expecting to find John lying on the grass but he wasn't there.

I wiped my eyes and decided to get on with the washing up, John would be back.

I began to get worried when four hours passed since I found the note, grabbing the keys to the flat and my house keys, I hurried downstairs to find Eilleen:

"Eilleen?" I yelled from the hall

"What?" She yelled back irritated

"You haven't seen John have you?" I asked tearfully

"Not since last night, why?"

"I'll tell you later" I called as I rushed out to my car.

By the time I got to the station tears were streaming down my face, leaving my car in the yard I ran- literally, to the office, my heart sinking when I got to the door and realised John wasn't there.

"Claire?" Deakin said with astonishment

"Is John here?" I spluttered

"He hasn't been here since yesterday" Don said

"I thought he was with you?" Chris asked

"He was until earlier on"

"What happened?" Kerry asked concerned

"We had a row" I looked down at the crumpled note in my hand "It got a bit out of control, I said I hated him and that I wished I'd never met him"

Kerry gasped

"I know how bad that sounds, he left me this note" I straightened it out before reading from it:

"I know what you really think now and to think that I loved you, Forget you ever met me" I slid to the floor as fresh tears cascaded down my face

"If you hadn't of said you hated him, you'd know where he was wouldn't you" Rod said

"Shut up Rod" Mickey, Kerry, Chris and Don yelled

"You wouldn't know what love was if it bloody slapped you round the face" Mickey snapped

"You ever had an argument with your girlfriend?" Kerry waited for an answer "No? Oh I forgot, you've never had a fucking girlfriend" Kerry exploded

I flinched as Kerry put her arms around me and held me tight.

"I'm worried for his safety" I sniffled "Still I can't sit around" I said getting up

"Take care Claire and don't do anything stupid" Deakin warned

"Let me know if he comes in won't you?" I asked desperately

"I'll call you" Kerry assured me.


	2. Chapter 2

I left the office and got into my car, without realising where I was heading I found myself outside John's flat

I took the stairs two at a time to John's floor, quickly I located flat 26 and began pounding on the door

"John!" I shouted

"Oh dear it's you" The old lady from next door came out

"Hello, Mrs Johnson, do you know if John's in?" I said politely

"No dear, he's not, I haven't seen him since yesterday, do you want the key?"

"I've got one thank you Mrs Johnson" I smiled at the old lady as she retreated back into her home.

"I don't care if your not in, I'm coming in" I said quietly as I slipped my key into the lock

Opening the door I found it wouldn't open fully as the chain was on it, slipping my slender hand round the door, I unhooked the chain and let myself in.

Closing the door quietly I turned to find John curled up in the corner of the sofa,

"John?" I said tentatively, edging closer to him, as I got closer to him I could see he was asleep, reaching out I gently touched his arm, it was cold to the touch.

Backing off, I went to get the fleece throw, I'd bought for the bed, returning to the living room, I noticed John had shifted position and was now sitting up awake

"What the hell are you doing here?" He growled when he saw me

"Looking for you" I replied simply holding up the blanket

I stood in front of John and ordered him to lie down, which thankfully he did.

I laid the blanket on top of John and tucked the edges in, I sat down on the floor in front of the sofa, my head resting against John's side.

Suddenly John touched the side of my face, cupping my chin gently, he turned my head to look at him

"Why are you here? Why are you doing this? I thought you hated me?" Tears glistened in his eyes

"I didn't realise you were listening" I said my voice choked with emotion

"I couldn't help it, I was only the other side of the door" John paused to steady his voice "You still haven't answered my question"

"I don't hate you, I could never hate you" I replied looking down at the floor

"Look at me and say that" John insisted

I turned right the way around so I was kneeling in front of John, I took the hand that held my face and hooked my fingers over his hand

"I don't hate you, I could never hate you" I said looking John straight in the eyes

"Come up here?" John asked letting the tears flow freely down his cheeks, I got up not once letting go of John's hand and clambered onto the sofa besides him, I laid down on my side with John's free arm around my shoulders

"Jesus John, you're freezing!" I exclaimed.

* * *

Sorry it took me so long to update everyone, but here's another chap to keep you thinking!


	3. Chapter 3

This is for Stormy Wolfy! And anyone else who reads this

* * *

"Warm me up then" John replied as I wiped away his tears with my thumb

I snuggled into John's side as he shifted slightly to allow me to rest on his chest and shoulders.

Reaching up to the back of the sofa I found the sheepskin throw that was big enough to wrap both me and John up and still have some left over, I spread it over John first, tucking it in under his back and hips and then round me.

"Come under the fleece Claire"

I wriggled my way under the fleece remembering John was bare chested, suddenly I changed my mind, sitting up I untangled the fleece and the sheepskin from around me and tucked John in with it, I figured that wrapping John in the blankets then me lying next to him would warm him up more.

We lay in silence for about half and hour until John spoke:

"I can't do this" John said sitting up

"What?" I asked

"This, you hating me, the pain of being with you, me hating myself – everything" John got up and strode across the room

"Where are you going?"

"Out" was John's reply as the door slammed shut

I lay down where John had been laying and snuggled under the sheepskin, I knew he would be back later.

* * *

Four hours later I decided to go and join Kerry on the nightshift.

"Claire!" Kerry's face lit up as I entered the office wearing the sheepskin

"Hey, thought you could do with some company"

"Did you find John?"

"Yeah I did, we had another argument" I smiled sadly

"Things aren't looking too good are they?"

"Not at the moment" I paused as I saw the door to DI Deakin's office move " I love him so much Kerry, Mickey get out from behind the door"

"Sorry, I thought you were Brownlow" Mickey said sheepishly

Suddenly the phone rang before I could reply

"Sunhill CID, DC Holmes speaking?"

"Right Sarge, I'll get down there" Kerry hung up before turning to me "Reports of a man on the roof down at Point 7, half the relief are attending"

"I'll come with you" I gasped

* * *

Ten minutes later we were at the scene

"What's happening Tone?"

"Unknown male, won't speak, won't move"

"Right, thanks Tony" Kerry said looking at me

I moved to stand directly under the building, cupping my hands round my mouth to amplify the sound I began to shout:

"John, _please_ come down, I've said sorry, what else can I do?"

"Bugger off and leave me in peace"

"I'm not leaving you up there, not in that state"

"I'm perfectly fine so go away"

"If you jump you're gonna have to take me with you" I was aware that all of uniform were gossiping between themselves.

John suddenly took a step forwards

"No, John, please don't" I fell onto my knees begging him to rethink "You can't jump, I love you!"

I could hear Mickey, Kerry and Tony, telling the gathering crowd to stand well back and give us space; tears were streaming down my face as I begged him to reconsider.

"Claire, look!" Kerry shouted

I looked up to see John take a step closer to the edge

"No! John, No!" I screamed, desperate to get him to change his mind "I'm really sorry, I forgive you, I don't care who you are I love you!" I was crying and shaking uncontrollably now. I couldn't watch any longer, I was certain he was going to jump.

"Claire!" I looked up to see John running down the stairs that led to the roof, I leapt up and raced towards him, I've never hugged anyone so hard in my entire life

"Babe, I'm so sorry" Tears were streaming down John's face as well

"It's alright, I don't hate you, it's all over now, everything's going to be fine, I love you so much" I cried into John's shirt

"I wasn't going to jump, well I was before you said that I'd have to take you with me, I couldn't leave you behind, I love you too much"

We stood for a good ten minutes just holding on to each other, I could hear the crowd dispersing and Kerry and Mickey go back to the nick.

* * *

Sorry, it took so long to get this updated, but without a computer at home, it is a bit difficult.

This is my fave chapter and I certainly cried while writing it.

Love to you all


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry it's taken so long guys, but this is the final chapter, Its pretty crap but I'm looking to tie up all my loose ends, sometime in the future I may rewrite this...enjoy!

* * *

"Don't you dare do that again, now get yourself home" I ordered, I stood watching him go before heading up onto the roof myself.

This was our rooftop; I couldn't believe he was threatening to throw himself off. I guess our love is too painful for him.

As I sat thinking about what the future could hold I was aware of Kerry behind me, I had seen her walk across the car park and up the stairs

"Claire?"

When I didn't answer she tried again;

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think so" I turned to face her "Things have changed so much, he threatened to jump, he hit me, he apologised, I let him share a bed with me, I told him he was the best thing in my life, I assaulted the head of Scotland Yard, I told him I was CIB, I told him I had my life mapped out in front of me, I've told him things I've never told anyone ever before…" The flood gates opened and I found I couldn't stop talking

"Shhhhh…its ok, let it all out, sounds like you were ready to burst keeping all that inside" Kerry soothed, her arms around me.

"You know something, It's not wise to depend on someone as much as I depended on John" I whispered getting up "I've got to go, need to find John, go home, go to work, so much I need to do"

"Calm down, one thing at a time, I'll drop you off at home, have a shower, sort yourself out then I'll drop you at John's flat" Kerry said leading me down the stairs to her car

An hour later I was feeling better, I wasn't sure what I was going to say to John but I figured I'd manage, after all I never have trouble talking at any other time.

* * *

Kerry dropped me off and made me promise to call her if things went wrong or if I just wanted to get out of there. 

I made my way up to his flat slowly, passing old Mrs Johnson on her way out.

I knocked twice to no answer, slipping my key in the lock, I found the security chain on, slipping my hand round the door I unhooked it in exactly the same way as I did the day before yesterday.

"John?" I called tentatively, finding no answer but hearing the shower on I settled down on the sofa to wait for him.

Half an hour later John appeared in just a towel

"You're here because?" He almost sounded like he was talking to a suspect

"We need to sort things out, but put some clothes on first"

I fought back the tears as he sat down beside me

"Once in everybody's lifetime they say that you'll find someone who you want to cling to and you might be mine" I spoke almost silently so that I wouldn't be heard.

We are talking, we are working things through, we'll see what the future brings but for now its looking good


End file.
